What fuel to use?

So, i once learned from an episode of West Wing that ethanol uses more fossil fuels to make than it would to just use gas in our cars. Still, I thought that there had to be something to biodiesel and have fantasized for the past year about buying a 4runner and converting it to biodiesel. I really, really want an old body style 4runner, but I simply can't justify it. However, if I could make it run clean, wouldn't that be nifty?
Then I run across this article from Cornell University stating scientifically what Hollywood already told me -- bio fuels aren't efficient.
from the July 2005 study:

In terms of energy output compared with energy input for ethanol production, the study found that:

* corn requires 29 percent more fossil energy than the fuel produced;
* switch grass requires 45 percent more fossil energy than the fuel produced; and
* wood biomass requires 57 percent more fossil energy than the fuel produced.

In terms of energy output compared with the energy input for biodiesel production, the study found that:

* soybean plants requires 27 percent more fossil energy than the fuel produced, and
* sunflower plants requires 118 percent more fossil energy than the fuel produced.

So where do we go now? Electric cars? Hybrids?

Ideally, I would like to bike, walk, or take public transportation to work. However, I can't afford to live near my work for walking or biking, and Seattle's mass transit outside of main areas in the city are for shit. It would take me two hours each way to cover the distance it takes me 20 minutes to drive. Apparently, that is where my willingness to sacrifice for the Earth ends.

Also, what do we do about all the land being used for corn that is subsidized by the US government? Being from Ohio, I know the importance of farming, especially corn farming. However, we could be producing so many other things, couldn't we? Am I dreaming to think that we could dismantle the corporate farms and go back to the way things were, when small farmers could actually make a living? I need to read more on this.

For now, I guess I need to make little changes like walking to the store more often and unplugging stuff in my house when I'm not using said stuff.
Wanna join me? What are you doing to cut down on your use of fossil fuels?

Commitment Issues

Although my recent marriage might make it appear otherwise, I have commitment issues. I have never been good at sticking to one thing for very long. Even when I was a vegetarian, I cheated on occasion. Diets never work for me, neither do exercise regimens. And regular prayer? I think I wake up most mornings with the intent to start a new prayer life. Then I go back to sleep or realize I am late for work and get busy and a whole day passes without prayer. Well, I guess I probably manage to pray little prayers everyday, such as, "Gee, God, nice sunset!" or, "Thanks for this good dinner." Rarely, however, do I sit and really have a conversation with God. The listening part seems to escape me. I'd say I have a txt relationship with God most days.

me: Thx 4 snrse & no trafic
God: Wlcm! Call me!


Later in the day:
me: Gd, hlp me hv patience w wrk
God: Call me!

When my husband gets home:
me: Thx 4 the gr8 hubbie!
God: I do what I can! Call me!

You get the picture.

What can I do to get over this problem with commitment to making myself better?
Maybe that's why so many Christians listen to Christian music all the time -- it's passive prayer. Then again, maybe they like it.

Check out these cartoons

They have some great commentary on the church.

Who I am vs. who I thought I would be

When I was little, I had a lot of ideas about what I was going to be when I grew up. First, it was a flower. I'm pretty sure that at some point I wanted to be Big Bird. I wanted to be the first woman president. I wanted to be an actress. I wanted to buy up all the abandoned buildings in downtown Cleveland and give people who didn't have a nice place to live just that. All-in-all, I wanted to be someone who made a change. A loud, "I'm famous now," kind of change. If I wasn't going to be globally famous, I thought I would at least be famous in my line of work.
I realized a few nights ago that my next birthday is going to be the big 3-0. I feel as though, by this point, I should have published something, I should be leading something, I should have started something. Why do I feel this way? Where does this drive to be recognized come from?
I want to have saved Rwandan refugees or stopped human trafficking or to have written something that opens our eyes to the fact that we have so much more than we need. I want to be able to say that I have made a difference in this world, and not just to my friends and family. I want to be one of Time magazines amazing people under 30. Those people make me feel so inadequate. I want to at least be able to say that I preach and distribute the Lord's Supper each week.
One of the things about working with kids in the way I do is that I so rarely get to see the fruits of my labor. I could very well have inspired someone to go out and change the world in ways I have yet to. I wish that thought was more satisfying.
I know that, theoretically, I have time and it is possible that by the time I am 50 I could have done something really amazing. However, I don't like to live with somedays. Life doesn't go on forever -- I have lost too many people in my life to live under the illusion that we ever really get to live a "complete" life. We have to make changes in the time we are here. I guess that that means that I have to start making small changes, every day.
I think that our desire for immediacy is the cause of so much of our strife. "I want it now!" could very well be the motto of our culture. We're a nation of two year-olds. I want to see the effects of my job now. I want to see the effects of conservation now. I want to see the good it will d me to buy local and organic now. As a society, we have lost patience. As a person, I am not sure I ever had much to begin with. I want to be ordained NOW. I want my PhD NOW. I want to have made a difference already. Really, I should want to learn how to accept myself as I am, where I am. But, I don't like shoulds either.

Something Fun -- Christian v. Jesus Follower

I found these on another blog, wiredjesus.com, they need to be shared. I am so itred of the fact that some Christians judge other's faith on the music they listen to , the clothes they wear (or do not wear), the things they read... These are great responses.
I'm only putting two here -- you can see the others on

GodTube

. Yes, that's right , GodTube.





More from my brain later...

That's right, I'm back...

Okay, so this is my third attempt at a blog. This time, however, I'm doin' it. This one is not attached to my other blog, I'm not announcing at work, and I am trying to keep it a separate part of my life. Now, I know that this is impossible. Like I tell my kids, putting stuff on the internet is like putting it on a billboard. Still, I would like to really be able to express myself unfiltered be worries about what people at my place of employ would think.
My husband is currently taking a class in ecology and English and has me really thinking about living more sustainably. This is something that has been at the back of mind mind for a long time. I mean, I graduated from a school that was building an ecologically sustainable dorm and raised free-range organic beef. I learned a little there.
I used to be so much better. I didn't own a lot (it's hard to own a lot when you're a nomad), and I was a good little vegetarian who didn't drive very much. Now, after six years in two big cities, I'm become a little too much a part of the culture. While Chicago didn't require much driving (God bless the CTA), the cafeteria was not meant for vegetarians and I was too depressed and lazy to keep it up. On top of that, the southside is not a haven for organic living. I was lucky to find ripe tomatoes, much less organic ones. Whole Paycheck was not a part of my student's salary.
I also started owning more. It was Chicago. I required certain clothes for going out, clothes for work, clothes for preaching, clothes to impress my unboyfriend and make him finally admit his undying love for me. I should have realized that when nive stuff from Victoria's Secret didn't do it, nothing would. Then, there was IKEA. I had never before encountered IKEA. Then I stumbled upon this wonderous world of affordable, cute furniture. And I had a lot of rooms to furnish.
Now, I live in Seattle. While it is theoretically easier to be sustainable here, everything here is sooo expensive. How am I supossed to live sustainably and sustain myself? Why can't we make it so that sustainability is afforable? I should go back to being vegetarian, but I'm not supossed to eat fermented soy products. So, I am trying to find ways to buy organic, free range beef & chicken. I'm searching out vegetable delivery options from local growers. I'm attempting to keep the clothes whore inside of me calm and buy quality (sustainable clothes that are not made in sweatshops) versus quantity (Target). It is all so hard.
Yesterday, I tried to go to Jack In the Box. I had been craving chicken fingers. Somehow, chicken fingers turned into a burger and fries. I tried to eat the burger on the way home, lest my husband catch me and give me that "I'm dissapointed in you" look. About a quarter of a way through the burger, all of the things I have learned in the past 10 years began to run through my head. The way that cow was forced to live, the unnatural things it was fed (cows are not meant to eat corn, anymore than people are meant to eat wool), all of the water that was used in creating the burger, the pesticides I was eating... on and on and on. I finally had to stop eating. I decided to eat only the fries. I went to the dumpster to throw away the burger and threw away the fries on accident. There went my meal. Someone was looking out for me. Or calling me on my crap. You decide.

And if you're wondering where the Jesus comes in, it's between the lines there, but it will come out more later.

While looking for a sweat-shop free sweater today, I came across a website with cute, not crazy expensive clothes. Seriously!! Check out their blazers. Not that you need too many, of course ;-) Fair Indigo