Rewind : Black Friday/ Buy Nothing Day

This past Friday, Americans spent $10,300,000,000.

Americans waiting to buy stuff they have plenty of

Afghani citizens waiting for something they are out of -- food

We could get ourselves more of this....

Or we would buy her a way out of poverty for $60

Or we could pay for a year of school for one of these kids for $32...

What would Jesus buy?

Bored & restless

It seems to strike me every year at about this time. I want to be doing something different. I begin to work on weaseling my way into ordination or looking at PhD programs, and reading academic journals to dream of my future. Why is this? Why is it that at such an exciting time of the year in the church, I feel so uninspired?
Part of it, I know, is my worship life. The worship services in my current congregation suck the marrow out of me. I try so hard to pay attention to the sermons, but the preacher's pace and tone are such that it renders me zombified. In the event that I do hear the words, they usually sound a lot like, "Blah, blah, blah, Jesus. Blah, blah, blah, church. Blah, blah, prayer." In three years here, I am not sure one sermon has inspired me.
The music is beautiful. But it is my dad's music. I like it once a month -- the organ, the orchestra, the good old setting 4 of the LBW or whatever confusing service we pull out of the new Lutheran Hymnal. I want something that sounds more like Ryan Adams or Death Cab with an occasional bit of Lily Allen thrown in. Something that moves me and speaks to me in my language. I speak "A Mighty Fortress is our God," but that is mostly because it is tradition. It does little to nothing to my soul.
If you don't know me, you are surely wondering why I still go to this church if it makes me feel this way. Well, I work there. And I am not in charge of worship. I make suggestions on occasion, but usually they are met with a bemused look and a statement that kind of sounds like, "That's nice, dear."
Outside of my lack of enthusiasm for worship, I am also affected by the fact that this is the longest I have stayed in one place since high school. I like to move around, see new things, meet new people, and I have been seeing the same people for a while now.
Argh -- I feel so spoiled for even bothering to complain about this. I mean, I am warm, I am comfortable, I am loved. I have a job, I have health insurance, I have running water and food. Still, I have this gnawing, aching feeling that I belong somewhere other than where I am today.

My new favorite cartoons

Thanks to Dan Kimball, I have found a site of wonderfully refreshing cartoons about the church and church life. Here's one of my fave's recently

Check out The Ongoing Adventures of ASBO Jesus

And, as for what ASBO means, "btw. for the non british among you… an ‘asbo’ is an ‘anti-social behaviour order’… the courts here award them to people who are deemed to be constant trouble in their neighbourhoods… presumably according to their neighbours!" from jon birch

When will we get it?

I just read a really great article from Relevant magazine on how the Hebrew of Genesis is emphatically asking us to care for the earth. The words used in the Hebrew are akin to how God told his people to care for the Temple and how we ask God to care for us. There were only three comments on th article. All of them made my heart ache. That first respondent also goes on to say that the Bible is clear that people are far more valuable than the land. First off, I would like to know where that is in the Bible other than the "do not worry" verse in Luke. Second, yeah, we are more blessed and gifted, and so the conclusion is to walk all over the less important. Yeah, that's Christian.
The second comment focused on how we need to accept Jesus an everything will be okay. I was just about to say that the world would probably be a better place if we were all Christian, citing all the wars caused by religion. However, as I was typing the sentence, it occurred to me that we would probably then war over who's Jesus was right and Baptists would be killing Catholics would be killing Lutherans and high schools would have Missouri Synod gangs fighting ELCA gangs over communing with Episcopalians. So, never mind. The world would still be the same world.
The fourth was the worst, and unfortunately, I can't see it on the website anymore, but it went something like this:
The condition of the Earth has only improved over the past 40 years. Globalization is the best thing to make the Earth better.
I can only think that this person is either kidding or is living somewhere in Orinda without media access beyond what he or she chooses to look at on the internet (I like Orinda, but it has occurred to me that one could live there and think all was well with the world). The earth is getting better, really? Are the signs of the wellness of the Earth the famine, the drying lakes, the disappearing species, the rising seas, the melting Arctic, the fact that Atlanta is almost out of water, the pollution of the waters in India, China, the Rio Grande, Lake Erie... need I go on?

I once watched a "cornucopist" talk about how is it okay for us to use all of the Earth's resources because God would provide. Seriously, when you were a kid and used all of the... Playdough and left it out to dry, did mom just go and buy you some more? God is clear -- we are to take care of this planet. And take care does not mean use it for all it's worth 'cause we're just gonna get a new one. When will Christians realize this? Will we before it is too late?

What fuel to use?

So, i once learned from an episode of West Wing that ethanol uses more fossil fuels to make than it would to just use gas in our cars. Still, I thought that there had to be something to biodiesel and have fantasized for the past year about buying a 4runner and converting it to biodiesel. I really, really want an old body style 4runner, but I simply can't justify it. However, if I could make it run clean, wouldn't that be nifty?
Then I run across this article from Cornell University stating scientifically what Hollywood already told me -- bio fuels aren't efficient.
from the July 2005 study:

In terms of energy output compared with energy input for ethanol production, the study found that:

* corn requires 29 percent more fossil energy than the fuel produced;
* switch grass requires 45 percent more fossil energy than the fuel produced; and
* wood biomass requires 57 percent more fossil energy than the fuel produced.

In terms of energy output compared with the energy input for biodiesel production, the study found that:

* soybean plants requires 27 percent more fossil energy than the fuel produced, and
* sunflower plants requires 118 percent more fossil energy than the fuel produced.

So where do we go now? Electric cars? Hybrids?

Ideally, I would like to bike, walk, or take public transportation to work. However, I can't afford to live near my work for walking or biking, and Seattle's mass transit outside of main areas in the city are for shit. It would take me two hours each way to cover the distance it takes me 20 minutes to drive. Apparently, that is where my willingness to sacrifice for the Earth ends.

Also, what do we do about all the land being used for corn that is subsidized by the US government? Being from Ohio, I know the importance of farming, especially corn farming. However, we could be producing so many other things, couldn't we? Am I dreaming to think that we could dismantle the corporate farms and go back to the way things were, when small farmers could actually make a living? I need to read more on this.

For now, I guess I need to make little changes like walking to the store more often and unplugging stuff in my house when I'm not using said stuff.
Wanna join me? What are you doing to cut down on your use of fossil fuels?

Commitment Issues

Although my recent marriage might make it appear otherwise, I have commitment issues. I have never been good at sticking to one thing for very long. Even when I was a vegetarian, I cheated on occasion. Diets never work for me, neither do exercise regimens. And regular prayer? I think I wake up most mornings with the intent to start a new prayer life. Then I go back to sleep or realize I am late for work and get busy and a whole day passes without prayer. Well, I guess I probably manage to pray little prayers everyday, such as, "Gee, God, nice sunset!" or, "Thanks for this good dinner." Rarely, however, do I sit and really have a conversation with God. The listening part seems to escape me. I'd say I have a txt relationship with God most days.

me: Thx 4 snrse & no trafic
God: Wlcm! Call me!


Later in the day:
me: Gd, hlp me hv patience w wrk
God: Call me!

When my husband gets home:
me: Thx 4 the gr8 hubbie!
God: I do what I can! Call me!

You get the picture.

What can I do to get over this problem with commitment to making myself better?
Maybe that's why so many Christians listen to Christian music all the time -- it's passive prayer. Then again, maybe they like it.

Check out these cartoons

They have some great commentary on the church.

Who I am vs. who I thought I would be

When I was little, I had a lot of ideas about what I was going to be when I grew up. First, it was a flower. I'm pretty sure that at some point I wanted to be Big Bird. I wanted to be the first woman president. I wanted to be an actress. I wanted to buy up all the abandoned buildings in downtown Cleveland and give people who didn't have a nice place to live just that. All-in-all, I wanted to be someone who made a change. A loud, "I'm famous now," kind of change. If I wasn't going to be globally famous, I thought I would at least be famous in my line of work.
I realized a few nights ago that my next birthday is going to be the big 3-0. I feel as though, by this point, I should have published something, I should be leading something, I should have started something. Why do I feel this way? Where does this drive to be recognized come from?
I want to have saved Rwandan refugees or stopped human trafficking or to have written something that opens our eyes to the fact that we have so much more than we need. I want to be able to say that I have made a difference in this world, and not just to my friends and family. I want to be one of Time magazines amazing people under 30. Those people make me feel so inadequate. I want to at least be able to say that I preach and distribute the Lord's Supper each week.
One of the things about working with kids in the way I do is that I so rarely get to see the fruits of my labor. I could very well have inspired someone to go out and change the world in ways I have yet to. I wish that thought was more satisfying.
I know that, theoretically, I have time and it is possible that by the time I am 50 I could have done something really amazing. However, I don't like to live with somedays. Life doesn't go on forever -- I have lost too many people in my life to live under the illusion that we ever really get to live a "complete" life. We have to make changes in the time we are here. I guess that that means that I have to start making small changes, every day.
I think that our desire for immediacy is the cause of so much of our strife. "I want it now!" could very well be the motto of our culture. We're a nation of two year-olds. I want to see the effects of my job now. I want to see the effects of conservation now. I want to see the good it will d me to buy local and organic now. As a society, we have lost patience. As a person, I am not sure I ever had much to begin with. I want to be ordained NOW. I want my PhD NOW. I want to have made a difference already. Really, I should want to learn how to accept myself as I am, where I am. But, I don't like shoulds either.

Something Fun -- Christian v. Jesus Follower

I found these on another blog, wiredjesus.com, they need to be shared. I am so itred of the fact that some Christians judge other's faith on the music they listen to , the clothes they wear (or do not wear), the things they read... These are great responses.
I'm only putting two here -- you can see the others on

GodTube

. Yes, that's right , GodTube.





More from my brain later...

That's right, I'm back...

Okay, so this is my third attempt at a blog. This time, however, I'm doin' it. This one is not attached to my other blog, I'm not announcing at work, and I am trying to keep it a separate part of my life. Now, I know that this is impossible. Like I tell my kids, putting stuff on the internet is like putting it on a billboard. Still, I would like to really be able to express myself unfiltered be worries about what people at my place of employ would think.
My husband is currently taking a class in ecology and English and has me really thinking about living more sustainably. This is something that has been at the back of mind mind for a long time. I mean, I graduated from a school that was building an ecologically sustainable dorm and raised free-range organic beef. I learned a little there.
I used to be so much better. I didn't own a lot (it's hard to own a lot when you're a nomad), and I was a good little vegetarian who didn't drive very much. Now, after six years in two big cities, I'm become a little too much a part of the culture. While Chicago didn't require much driving (God bless the CTA), the cafeteria was not meant for vegetarians and I was too depressed and lazy to keep it up. On top of that, the southside is not a haven for organic living. I was lucky to find ripe tomatoes, much less organic ones. Whole Paycheck was not a part of my student's salary.
I also started owning more. It was Chicago. I required certain clothes for going out, clothes for work, clothes for preaching, clothes to impress my unboyfriend and make him finally admit his undying love for me. I should have realized that when nive stuff from Victoria's Secret didn't do it, nothing would. Then, there was IKEA. I had never before encountered IKEA. Then I stumbled upon this wonderous world of affordable, cute furniture. And I had a lot of rooms to furnish.
Now, I live in Seattle. While it is theoretically easier to be sustainable here, everything here is sooo expensive. How am I supossed to live sustainably and sustain myself? Why can't we make it so that sustainability is afforable? I should go back to being vegetarian, but I'm not supossed to eat fermented soy products. So, I am trying to find ways to buy organic, free range beef & chicken. I'm searching out vegetable delivery options from local growers. I'm attempting to keep the clothes whore inside of me calm and buy quality (sustainable clothes that are not made in sweatshops) versus quantity (Target). It is all so hard.
Yesterday, I tried to go to Jack In the Box. I had been craving chicken fingers. Somehow, chicken fingers turned into a burger and fries. I tried to eat the burger on the way home, lest my husband catch me and give me that "I'm dissapointed in you" look. About a quarter of a way through the burger, all of the things I have learned in the past 10 years began to run through my head. The way that cow was forced to live, the unnatural things it was fed (cows are not meant to eat corn, anymore than people are meant to eat wool), all of the water that was used in creating the burger, the pesticides I was eating... on and on and on. I finally had to stop eating. I decided to eat only the fries. I went to the dumpster to throw away the burger and threw away the fries on accident. There went my meal. Someone was looking out for me. Or calling me on my crap. You decide.

And if you're wondering where the Jesus comes in, it's between the lines there, but it will come out more later.

While looking for a sweat-shop free sweater today, I came across a website with cute, not crazy expensive clothes. Seriously!! Check out their blazers. Not that you need too many, of course ;-) Fair Indigo